


Young Volcanoes

by skindyedblue



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Asexual Sirius Black, Fluff, Gen, Sick Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-12 19:27:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4491858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skindyedblue/pseuds/skindyedblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius meets a fairly attractive stranger at a party. And again in class the next semester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cloudrains](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudrains/gifts).



Sirius had planned on staying in, sleeping off the beginnings of the headache that was pressing into the backs of his eyes. Exams were finally over and he wanted nothing more than to pretend the world didn't exist for a few days. Or at least a few hours. Peter had all but begged him to come along, explaining how this frat party across campus would be "so much fun." A way to let lose some of the stress and anxiety that surrounded midterms. 

When that didn't work James and Lily had come in, forcibly dressing and hauling him down to frat row. There were cars lining the large house and a heavy bass was thumping from the windows, growing louder and louder the closer they got.

"If you ditch me I'm kicking your ass," he warned, ignoring how James laughed.

"Sure you will, Pads."

Sirius had to admit it was a good distraction. Midterms had wrung him out, making Sirius feel more dead than alive. He didn’t want to think about what his grades would be; he was already certain that he failed at least one test. Fucking chem, pain in the ass.

Peter made a bee line for the drinks, a vice grip on Sirius' arm as they moved through the crowd of people. How one managed to fit this many adults into one house was beyond him. Peter had two cups out, mixing several liquors together along with what he assumed was soda. There were definitely some perks to having a bartender as a roommate. As they tapped their plastic cups together in a mock toast a girl leaned over Peter's shoulder, whispering in his ear, his eyes growing steadily wider. 

"Drink that and I'll be right back," Peter called as he was being pulled through the crowd.

That had been at least an hour ago. Sirius felt like an idiot leaning against a counter in the kitchen by himself with his half empty cup. He took another sip of his drink, wincing. At least it gave the promised result, and the more he drank the less he cared about Professor Slughorn and Chemistry 201. 

Looking across the room he snorted, Peter was attached at the lip to a very interested girl who seemed adamant they were wearing too many clothes. Some wingman.

"You're having fun."

Twisting, Sirius had to crane his neck slightly to see where the voice had come from. The man was handsome enough, flashing him a lopsided smile, eyes crinkling as he took another pull from his beer.

"That obvious?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"Parties like this aren't really my thing," Sirius shrugged. "I came along with a few friends, but that didn't last long."

The man nodded, trying to look solemn even as the corner of his mouth quirked up.

"What about you?"

"An old friend is a member of the frat, he invited me over," he held out his hand, "I'm Remus."

"Sirius."

He could see the confusion and the question on the tip of Remus' tongue. He was opening his mouth to speak when Sirius clarified, talking over him. "As in the star, not the, um, feeling." 

Remus laughed. "At least I'm not the only one here who's parents graced them with a bizarre name." He finished his beer, head tilting to the side as Sirius looked around for one of his friends. He was gazing at Sirius as though he was a puzzle that he wanted to solve. 

“What?”

"Do you want to go outside? It's not quite as cramped. Or loud."

It was an open invitation as far as he could tell, no expectations in Remus' offer. Sirius nodded, glad to get away from all of the noise and people, following him out past the kitchen. The deck was fairly large, long wooden beams stretching out towards the lawn below, several chairs already occupied. Remus walked with sure feet, hopping down to the last step and stretching out his legs.

Neither spoke, Sirius fiddling with his cup. He was about to ask if Remus lived in the frat house when James stumbled over, Peter slung over a shoulder.

“Can you help me get this idiot home? Lily’s already left and you know what a pain it is to get him up the steps to the apartment.”

Sirius offered Remus a silent apology, though for what he wasn't entirely sure. Remus smiled, offering them a wave goodbye.

The rest of the semester flew by without incident, and without word from Remus. The campus was big, there was no telling what classes he took or if he even studied there. Even so Sirius couldn’t help keeping an eye out for him.

* * *

Spring semester came quickly on the heels of winter vacation having been both too long and too short. While Sirius was grateful to be away from his family for another four months, he wasn't looking forward to the heavy workload that the semester was going to lay on him. The only silver lining being that he had squeaked by in Slughorn’s class with a low C, not his best work, but it was enough.

He felt more asleep than awake as he waited outside the door to his calculus class. Most of the other students looked about as eager as he did to be there. The class was an early one, starting at 9 o'clock, and Sirius wouldn't have bothered except for the fact that everyone said this was the best professor in the math department. If he wanted any chance at understanding the material he needed all the help he could get. Even if it meant sacrificing his sleep.

There was a heavy thump beside him as one of his classmates slumped against the wall, yawning widely.

Sirius stared. "Remus?"

The man looked up at him for several moments as realization crossed his face. “You’re the guy… Shit.”

“Sirius,” he supplied helpfully, laughing.

“Sirius.” Remus nodded to himself. “What are you doing in calculus? I mean, what are you majoring in?”

“Mechanical engineering. Math is kind of important when it comes to building things. What about you?”

“Geophysics. Math is apparently important when studying the planet.”

Their conversation was cut short as the professor walked over, unlocking the classroom door. The students filed in, haphazardly picking out seats. Sirius took one in the middle of the class, not up front where he would draw attention, but not directly in back where the professor might look to make sure he was paying attention. Hiding in plain sight.

Remus dropped his bag down next to Sirius and sat down scrubbing his eyes.

“Long night?”

“You could say that.”

Sirius grinned.

The class was uneventful, the professor, a prim woman with the name McGonagall, handed out their syllabus, explaining her expectations for the class. Two exams, the midterm, and the final, along with the expected homework. It would mean that Sirius had very little wiggle room in regards to receiving a decent grade, but it wasn't impossible.

As the class finished, students packing away laptops and textbooks, Professor McGonagall spoke up. “I would recommend that you each exchange phone numbers and emails with at least one of your classmates. We will be covering a large amount of information during each class, missing a lecture could be detrimental to your grade.”

Sirius looked at the other students, trying to decide which of them would actually take notes for him should he miss a class when Remus nudged him with an elbow. Between his fingers was a slip of paper, which no doubt contained his contact information.

“I’ll give you mine if you give me yours,” Remus smirked, waiting for Sirius to take the piece of paper. He hastily ripped the edge of the syllabus off, scribbling his email and cell phone on it and handing it to Remus.

It was two weeks later when Sirius’ phone buzzed, his annoying ringtone playing far too loud. Bleary eyed he looked at the number seeing it was Remus and answered.

“‘Lo?”

“Hey Sirius. I know it’s early but I have a -- a family emergency, I’m about to board a flight to Cambridge and I won’t be on the ground again until after class.”

He cracked an eye, looking at his alarm clock. “Fuck. It’s five in the morning, Remus.”

“I know, sorry. Just take notes for me?” Remus sounded stressed, his voice tight.

“Yeah, okay.”

* * *

They agreed that meeting up to exchange notes would be better than Sirius just emailing them. Remus had missed a week’s worth of classes, and while he had been very careful with his notes Sirius wasn’t sure if they would all make sense to someone else.

He was waiting outside the coffee shop when Remus came walking over. He looked haggard, dark circles under his eyes, his shoulders slumped forward. When he spotted Sirius he tried to smile, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes.

“Hey.”

“Hey. Ready to go in?” Sirius shuffled a little, hitching his bag higher up on his shoulder.

Remus nodded walking inside and getting in the queue to order a coffee. It was hard not to stare. He looked as though he hadn’t slept in days, the scruffy beginnings of a beard forming. Looking over at Sirius he smiled.

“Don't worry, I look worse than I feel.”

Somehow Sirius doubted that. After paying for their drinks they laid out their notes and laptops as he tried to explain the three chapters Remus had missed. There were a few times when Sirius’ notes didn’t makes sense and he had to backtrack, explaining the function and output numbers and algebraic sums again.

Sirius’ eyes were sore, his cup of coffee long since empty by the time they finished. Remus’ hair was a ruffled mess from the number of times he had run his hands through it.

“Fucking hell,” Remus groaned.

Sirius hummed in reply, packing up his bag. “Think you’re gonna make it?”

“One can only hope,” Remus smiled, closing his laptop. “After all of this is done we should go out for coffee.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”


	2. Chapter 2

“It’ll be fine.”

Remus had been having the argument with his father for the past forty-five minutes as he tried to pick out what he was going to wear. Thus far he had tossed aside five shirts, a pair of slacks, and a pair of jeans that looked as though they belonged in a different decade. But for all the frustration that his wardrobe was causing, Lyall Lupin was causing even more.

“You’re still recovering from your most recent bout and Dr Na --”

“I know what she said, I was there, Dad. It’s only dinner.”

There was a heavy sigh causing static from the speaker on his phone and Remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold back a retort.

He usually went to Cambridge Health Alliance bi-annually, a visit filled with testing and doctor appointments that left his head spinning. However, this most recent visit was far from planned. His symptoms had been getting more and more severe as the semester dragged on eventually resulting in a visit to the university clinic. Within an hour of getting his test results back the doctor was making phone calls and Remus was arranging a plane ticket to the east coast to see his specialist.

The prednisone had made him a mess, setting his nerves on edge and making everything feel ten times worse. He hated having to take the stupid pills, but when everything else didn’t work it was the go-to treatment to “reset” his body.

 _Reset_ , Remus scoffed, _as though I’m any better_. It didn’t feel like it helped to reset anything, mostly he had the keen feeling that his body was worse. But that was how it always went when they changed his treatment regimen.

“Just take it easy, alright?” his father’s voice was softer now, as though he already knew Remus’ reply.

“Okay,” Remus sighed. “I’ll text you when I get back.”

They mumbled their goodbyes and Remus reached for another shirt, wincing as he tugged it over his head. Dr. Nardin said it could take up to three weeks for there to be any noticeable effect from his new medications, possibly longer. Remus sighed. He didn’t have to piss around feeling like hell.

 _Fucking ticks_ , he thought. Of all the bullshit illnesses he had to acquire, of course Remus had to get one from venturing outdoors. Who the hell even got Lyme disease anymore?

Him, apparently.

* * *

 

Sirius had picked out the restaurant, one just on the outskirts of campus that called “T 27.” It was some place that Remus had never been to, but according to its Facebook page it was a modern twist on a classic taqueria. According to the comments he had read that morning its meals were reasonably priced and exceptionally delicious, which was something akin to a miracle.

His legs protested quietly as he waited outside, shifting again and hiding a wince. Even though the walk across campus wasn’t a long one by most standards his body made it clear that any plans he might have had for that evening would need to be rescheduled. Remus was just considering going inside and getting a table when he saw Sirius jogging across the street, cheeks pink and his hair a wispy mess that seemed adamant to make its way into his eyes and mouth.

“Sorry, I got caught up in talking with a friend,” Sirius smiled nervously as he stopped in front of Remus, pushing stray hairs from his face and haphazardly tying it back with a hair tie. “Have you been waiting?”

Remus shakes his head, smiling a little. “Not long. Ready?”

The first thing Remus noticed walking inside was the sound; dozens of people talking and laughing, music playing and students typing furiously on battered laptops in an attempt to finish essays on time. There were small tables spread evenly across the dining room and the lighting made the whole place feel warm. Cozy even. It laid over him like a blanket and Remus felt his shoulders relax a bit, breathing in deep.

“Wow,” he whispered.

“You’ve never been here before?” Sirius asked and Remus shook his head. A smile grew across Sirius’ face as he walked them over to an empty table. “At least tell me you’ve had tacos before.”

Remus had to refrain from making a lewd joke. “Uh, yes.”

It only took a few minutes for a waiter to arrive. The man’s bright red hair was tied back in a messy bun and when he saw Sirius he smiled widely. “Pads! You haven’t been here in ages, how have you been?”

“Been alright. Classes are ripping away my soul one bit at a time, but that’s nothing new.”

“I still don’t know why you went into engineering, it would be easier to pull teeth,” the waiter glanced over at Remus, one eyebrow raising slightly. “New friend?”

“Remus,” he supplied, ignoring how Sirius grinned and the waiter shot him a knowing look.

“Gideon. Do you two know what you want?” He tugged a pad of paper from the black apron tied around his waist. “The usual for you, Pads?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah. And some tortilla chips.”

Gideon nodded then looked over at Remus. Glancing down at the menu his mind boggled. He couldn’t pronounce half of this stuff, let alone know what it was. “I- I don’t know. What’s good?” He asked, mentally kicking himself for not looking up the menu before coming.

“Everything? How about…” Gideon eyed him over, glancing at Sirius again, “The citrus pork carnitas? It’s shredded pork, tomatillo salsa, red onion, cilantro, and chicharones.”

“What are chick -- chicharones?”

Sirius was wiping at his mouth as though to hide a smile. “Pork rinds that taste like heaven,” he supplied.

“Oh. That then.”

It was only a few minutes before a heaping plate of tortillas arrived and Sirius dug in. Remus watched him for a few minutes, trying to place what was different. He and Sirius only saw each other during classes and that really wasn’t a good basis for a person’s personality, but still it nagged at him.

Sirius had a chip loaded with salsa halfway to his mouth when he caught Remus staring. “What?”

“You’re different. I mean, you’re more relaxed here,” Remus rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed that he had been caught staring.

Sirius chewed thoughtfully. “I know this place and most of the people who work here. It’s… safe.”

 _Safe_ , Remus thought. He supposed that made sense. Everyone had places where they felt more themselves and he would be hard pressed to find someone who felt at home in an over-stuffed classroom. He was about to ask what made the restaurant so special when the food arrived.

Sirius had ordered something called turkey chorizo which was sprinkled with colorful toppings and drizzled with something that Remus thought might be chipotle sauce. His own meal looked fairly similar, and it smelled amazing. Spicy and earthy and mouth-wateringly good.

It took some finagling to pick up the taco, juice from the meat dribbling down Remus’ fingers. Taking his first bite he chewed and closed his eyes in bliss, letting out a quiet groan.

Amazing.

He heard Sirius chuckle and his eyes opened again, feeling his cheeks flush. The look Sirius was giving him made Remus want to grin and he had to fight not to smile, lest his cheeks puff out like a chipmunks. He chewed quickly, his voice garbled around the food. “‘s ‘mazing.”

Sirius snorts, taking a swallow of his soda.”So, anything fun happening in your little corner of the world? You look better.”

“Nothing new, just trying to catch up on everything I missed,” Remus dodged the question, not wanting to explain just yet why he’d been away. If Sirius noticed he doesn’t say, and Remus sends out silent thanks to whoever was watching.

They don’t talk much after that, too engrossed in the meal in front of them. Remus made a mental note to come back later in the week and order one of everything, his food budget be damned.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius’ phone had been buzzing since about half an hour into his date with Remus. He’d ignored it, likewise ignoring the way Remus’ smirk widened each time it went off. For the most part he had succeeded, but now as he unlocked the door to his dorm room the buzzing was becoming more insistent.

“Yeah, yeah…” he said, shucking off his boots before fishing the phone from the pocket of his jeans. There were eight messages from James and four from Peter. Typical.

_**good luck!! :D** _

_Did you take him to the taco place?_

_Does he even like tacos?_

_He has to like tacos, everyone likes your stupid fancy taco restaurant._

_**prongs wants to go to t27 and see if ur okay. jesus can you two exist for one night without texting each other?**_

_I am assuming from your lack of response that the date is going well._

_Pete and I are playing some games if you want to come over._

_You know, if your dreamboat is a no-show._

_**when did james become so good at portal???** _

_Pete says if you’re planning to sex up your boyfriend to let him know now._

_**i didnt say that!! what i said was “should i crash here for the night?” hey, do you have any leftovers? im calling dibs on them.** _

_And don’t forget to use protection! ;)_

Sirius grinned, texting James back _I’m a two date kind of guy, Prongs. You know that._ before tossing the phone aside and stretching out in bed with a sigh. It had been a good date, he mused. He and Remus had sat for nearly an hour after finishing dinner, talking over crumpled napkins and emptied cups of soda until Gideon shoo’ed them off.

Apparently Remus’ family had originally come from Wyoming, they hadn’t moved to the east coast until he was nearly in his teens. They still went back at least once a year to visit family and there were talks about his parents moving back eventually, but Remus liked where he was. He liked being close to so many people and places, liked that the world didn’t feel so big and he didn’t feel so small. He’d laughed when Sirius mentioned that he’d prefer living somewhere with space to breathe but hadn’t commented further.

By comparison Sirius felt like his own life experiences were petty. When he nervously brought up growing up on Long Island’s North Shore and his father’s job as CFO to one of Manhattan’s wealthiest firms Remus only raised an eyebrow in interest. Growing up sheltered as he was Sirius had always thought his family had had its perks and its disadvantages. It wasn’t until he’d gone off to Deerfield that he realized how much freedom he had lacked.

“Did they want you to become an engineer?” He had asked as they walked.

He had sorted. “Hardly. They wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer, or at the very least a ‘useful engineer’” Sirius had used air quotes, his face turning into a scowl. “They’re hoping if I’m allowed to study what I want for my undergrad I’ll be ‘more malleable’ when it comes to my masters.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah.”

“So, why mechanical engineering then?”

Sirius had grinned then, jumping into a lengthy explanation about the bike he had built the summer he turned 16 and how he loved the idea of making a career out of creating things. It seemed like a dream to him. He wanted to build, to see something he made come to life and know others could appreciate the work put into it.

Remus nodded, grinning along with Sirius. He let Sirius talk, only stopping him to ask questions when something had confused him. He kept expecting for Remus' curiosity to wane, for his eyes to glaze over like most people would, but he was apparently fascinated by what Sirius had to say. He hadn’t minded that Sirius shied away from certain topics, calmly leading the conversation back to safer territory whenever he’d gone silent. It should have bothered him, Sirius didn’t generally like talking to people that he didn’t know well, but the words had come so easily.

He had followed Remus clear across campus to the other man’s dorm building without a second thought, as though taking the elevator up to his room was as normal as breathing. How the hell had that happened? Sirius never did that, hell, James and Peter had mocked him for being so reclusive. And yet… yet he had wanted to go up to Remus’ room and would have, had he not blown it by shuffling his feet like an idiot and turned beet red. So instead Remus had patted his shoulder, giving a quick “goodnight” before stepping into the elevator with a small smile.

His phone buzzed again bringing his thoughts back. It was another text from James. _There’s always a first for everything. Are you coming over?_ He rolled his eyes then reached for his headphones, scrolling through a playlist.

 _I should have kissed him_ , Sirius thought. He bit his lip. It was such a foreign thought, but it wouldn't leave. Had Remus wanted a kiss? _Fuck._

“I'm sick and I'm tired too… I can admit, I am not fireproof. I feel it burning me…” Sirius sang quietly as he scrubbed at his face. The evening kept replaying in his head, the way Remus smiled, ducking his head down whenever Sirius had flirted, shoving hands into his pockets. He was quieter than Sirius had expected, kinder.

“I need you here with me, but we're out in the open. Swim with me…”

Sirius tapped out a quick message, smiling to himself before flopping back on the bed again, letting the music take him away.

* * *

 

Waiting for his next class with Remus felt like torture. He had spent the previous days checking his phone almost constantly, hoping each buzz was from the other man. James mocked ceaselessly him for it, telling him to stop acting like a lovesick idiot. Sirius couldn’t really disagree with the statement.

Either way they’d see each other again. There were perks to sharing a class after all.

Except Remus wasn’t there.

Professor McGonagall’s lecture felt mind-numbing as he struggled to keep up with her powerpoint slides, not bothering to check and see if his typing had spelling errors, he could worry about that later. Sirius knew that she was covering the material for their midterm, she had said as much at the beginning of the class, but even so it made his brain hurt to try and take it all in. As class ended the students gave a collective sigh of relief when she announced that her powerpoint would be available by that afternoon should anyone wish to use it as a study guide. _Thank God_.

Stepping out he bit his lip. Remus needed the notes, he’d be screwed without them. Before he could let himself think about it Sirius dialed Remus’ number, fidgeting nervously.

A rough voice answered. “‘Lo?”

“Remus?”

“Sirius. Hey. Shit… it’s Monday.”

He laughed. “Yeah, it’s Monday. You sound like hell.”

“Why thank you.” There was a pause and Sirius could hear what sounded like sheets being shoved away. “Everything alright?”

“Oh, um, yeah. I just… McGonagall went over stuff for the midterm… And I was wondering if you wanted, I mean, if I should swing by and, um --”

“And drop them off?” Remus supplied. Sirius could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yeah. Meet you somewhere or something?” There was a pause and for a moment Sirius worried that the other man had hung up on him. Then a staticky sigh filled his ear.

“Can I meet you in my dorm lobby? I’m… I feel like hell and I’m not much company at the moment.”

“Okay. Uh, I’ll be by in maybe an hour with everything, if that works for you?”

“An hour, yeah, see you then.”

An hour later he was awkwardly shuffling in the dorm’s lobby, arms laden with two containers of soup, some bread, a few plastic spoons, and a pack of throat lozenges. The logical part of his brain was screaming that this was a bad idea, that he shouldn’t be bringing soup to some guy he’s been on one date with -- but then he rounded the corner and spotted Remus.

The lobby was fairly warm, but even so Remus was still wearing a heavy sweater and pajamas. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, wincing with every step as though it cost him more effort than it was worth. However, when his eyes landed on Sirius his whole face lit up, laughing when Sirius lifted up the bags.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“By the look of you, you need it. I’ll take it up to your room and we can go over my notes.”

Remus only nodded, shuffling back into the elevator.

Walking into Remus’ room he could see the other man’s personality shining through. The space was small, tinier than his own dorm, but in many ways more welcoming. There was only one bed which had been shoved into a corner, posters photographs taped onto the walls, and several large books awkwardly stacked next to a laptop covered in stickers.

Sirius set the bags of food on the desk and watched as Remus all but crawled back into bed. “Are you hungry?”

He could already see the ‘Not really’ on Remus’ face but then his shoulders sagged a little and he smiled. “Yeah, a bit I guess.” He scooted over on the bed with a grimace. “Come have a seat.”

They ate in silence, Remus more slowly as though each bite took deliberate thought and effort to keep down.

“Do you get sick often?”

Remus nearly startled at the question, looking over at Sirius. “Um. Sort of?”

“Should I let her know?”

“... Who?”

“McGonagall?”

Remus’ body was still tense but he took another slow bite. “Oh. Uh, no. She already knows.”

Sirius caught his expression and tried to act nonchalant. The last thing he wanted was to scare him off by butting in where he didn’t delong. This was not going how he had planned at all. He set down his soup and reached for his backpack, rummaging until he found a flashdrive.

“This has the powerpoint on it, plus all the notes I’ve taken so far for her class. The midterm is next week so whatever bug you’ve got better be gone by then, she doesn’t seem the type to take many excuses.”

Remus’ body relaxed and grinned as he took the flashdrive.“You know, eventually I need to pay for one of our dates.”

Sirius couldn’t help laughing. “You can take me out after we survive midterms. Deal?”

“Deal.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get posted! I'll do my best to get this story back on a semi-regular updating schedule.

How Remus managed to wake up before eight in the morning, god only knew. Regardless, he now stood waiting, queued behind far too many other under-caffeinated students who had also thought taking an early morning class on a Monday was somehow intelligent. It was usually Sirius who did this part, standing in line while Remus tried to remember why jeans were not optional. He’d never voiced complaint about the coffee shop being all the way across campus, even though it meant Sirius walked twice the distance each morning.

Shuffling to the counter, Remus smiled sleepily at the frazzled looking barista. “Hi, um, one large house blend with room for cream and a medium double shot latte with three pumps of caramel, three pumps of toffee nut, two pumps of cinnamon dolce, and whipped cream. Pease.”

“That’ll be $9.57. Your boyfriend must be something special,” said the barista.

“Huh?”

The barista only gave him a cheeky smile and gave him his change.

After collecting the drinks Remus stood outside the shop, mulling over what the woman had said as he took slow sips from his coffee.  _ Your boyfriend must be something special _ . Sirius certainly was special to him, they had clicked from the first moment they had met. But, boyfriend?

He was still deep in thought five minutes later when he spotted Sirius and raised a cup in the air to get his attention, something in his stomach doing a flip at the surprised smile on Sirius’ face. “Candybar in a cup,” he said, handing the drink over with a matching smile. “How was your weekend?”

“Too damn long,” Sirius replied with a nod of thanks.

It had become a sort of routine for them on Monday mornings. They’d sip their drinks as they walked to McGonagall’s class, chatting about whatever they could think of and occasionally quizzing each other when they knew a calculus exam was waiting for them.

The class went by in a blur, Remus’ thoughts too focused on a problem that refused to be viewed under scrutiny. _ Your boyfriend must be something special _ .

Even though none of their other classes matched, Remus and Sirius somehow managed to run into each other at least a few times a week. It still startled him how easy it was to be himself when he was around Sirius. He never made demands or had expectations when they got together, be it for a laptop movie night, drinks at one of the shops on campus, or a last ditch effort to cram for a test one of them hadn’t studied for.

Remus didn’t know if what they were counted as dating; neither of them had asked the other out, or kissed, or anything else that Remus generally considered to be a dating milestone. Instead they stayed up for hours talking on the phone, texting when they weren’t talking, and he was almost certain that Sirius had memorized his class schedule about as well as he’d memorized Sirius’.

He kept trying to find the right time to tell Sirius about being sick. If they were going to eventually date he knew from experience to put it out in the open early. Not everyone knew how to cope with a boyfriend who was chronically ill. The fact of it hurt, but it was true. But whenever he had tried to bring up the topic the moment would pass or something more exciting came along. 

Sirius wasn’t stupid, though. He noticed how quickly Remus got sick and how long it took for him to get better. Remus knew how to hide his pain, to walk with as much easy grace as he could muster, but he didn’t always succeed. The possibilities of how Sirius would react rolled around in his head. He’d long since accepted the likelihood of rejection, he’d been rejected before. No, the thing that Remus feared was Sirius’ pity. 

He wanted to know what it felt like to lace his fingers into Sirius’, to fall asleep on his too small bed in his too small dorm while watching some B rated movie, going to Sirius’ favorite restaurant as something more than a ‘friend.’

Remus shook his head then winced. People in college wanted to experience life, go to house parties, spend a semester or two abroad; not watch their boyfriend deteriorate and spend at least a week in the hospital each year. With a long sigh he walked over to the fridge and yanked the door open, taking out a carton of orange juice and drinking deeply. He’d need to go grocery shopping again soon.

A little card was on his fridge, wide loopy handwriting him of his appointment with ‘Mrs Susan Bones M.Ed., Disability Specialist’. She worked with the campus’ disability services and met with him twice a semester. After his first major flare up during freshman year she had been instrumental in helping him pass his classes, smoothing over any issues his professors may have had with his accommodations. He was glad not to need her help more than a few times a semester, but knowing he didn’t have to make himself worse made all the difference.

* * *

 

“Ah, Mr. Lupin, it’s good to see you again. Please come in,” Susan said as she walked into the lobby with a kind smile, gesturing toward her office. A tiny look of concern crossing her features as she watched him rise painfully out of his chair. “How have you been since our last meeting?”

“I’m doing alright,” Remus said, wincing a little as he sat down across from her and then chuckled to himself. “That’s a lie, I guess. These past few weeks have been rougher than I’d like.”

“The weather has been awful, hasn’t it?” Her lips pursed together and he had to hold in a laugh at her expression. Clearing her throat she looked over at her computer screen, clicking several keys. “You must be glad to have the midterms behind you.”

Remus let out a breath. “Very. I’m beginning to question majoring in something that as the word ‘physics’ in it.”

Susan smiled at him. “Well, there’s time to change if you want to, although STEM majors are generally guaranteed more job security following graduation,” she took a sip of her drink. “I remember you mentioning that was important to you.”

* * *

 

It took Remus three days to build up the courage to ask Sirius over. They were only having pizza and a movie, but to Remus it felt like he was about to run the gauntlet. He took another deep breath and rubbed his sweaty palms against his jeans then jumped at the knock that came from the door.

“For fuck’s sake, Lupin…” Remus whispered as he walked over to the door, quickly unlocking it and yanking the door open. “Hi!”

“Hi there!” Sirius laughed as he mimicked Remus’ tone and shrugged out of his jacket. “Everything alright?”

_ Shit. _ “Yeah, fine. Just thinking about something. I ordered our regular from Pudgies, I hope that’s okay.” 

Sirius hummed his reply then glanced back over at Remus. He looked close to asking him again, a flash of worry crossing his face, but seemed to think better of it. After a painfully long period of silence Sirius looked around then asked, “Other than pizza, are there any plans for tonight? Movie, board game, a rousing game of connect four?” He trailed off, shifting awkwardly.

“I have Lyme disease,” Remus blurted out, before he had a chance to think _. Shit shit shit. _

Sirius blinked several times. “Uh, okay? Um. I don’t know what to say to that, Remus.”

Remus sighed and began pacing. “It’s just, I’ve been trying to tell you for weeks and -- I mean, at the beginning of the semester it didn’t seem to matter too much, you know? You were someone I met at some random kegster and it was a perk that I could get notes from you when I was sick. I didn’t have to make a big deal out of it or anything. But then you came by with the soup and coffee and movies. Why did you do that?”

Sirius opened and closed his mouth like a fish, but before he could answer Remus spoke again. 

“You make it so easy, Sirius. It doesn’t matter if I feel like shit, or if I even look like shit. You aren’t phased by it. Do you know how huge that is for me?” Remus smiled in spite of himself. “You don’t hover over me expecting something bad to happen or assume I can’t do something because I’m sick! I feel like a  _ person  _ with you. And I…” Remus scrubbed his face, his voice turning muffled. “This isn’t going how I planned.”

“How had you planned it?” Sirius asked, looking intently at Remus.

He couldn’t help laughing a little. “That we’d sit down and have some fantastic pizza and watch that movie you keep telling me I should see.”

“ _ The Force Awakens _ is not ‘some movie’.” 

Sirius looked genuinely insulted and Remus laughed in earnest. “Well I hope so, I bought it yesterday for us to watch together.”

“You did?”

“Yeah,” Remus could feel himself flushing red. “I wanted us to watch it together, and sometime during that I’d find the guts to…” He sucked in a breath, closing his eyes and saying the words in a rush, “To tell you that I like you, more than a friend should, and that if you liked me back you deserved to know who you were with. Because I get sick, you’ve seen me get sick, and it’s not going to stop.”

He had to bite down on his tongue to keep from saying anything else, deliberately looking anywhere but where Sirius stood. Remus could hear his heartbeat in his ears and for several moments he genuinely wondered if he was going to faint.

When he finally risked a glance he saw that Sirius was looking down at a spot just beyond his feet, his brows furrowed together. “I don’t…”

Remus felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“I don’t, I mean I’ve never dated  _ anyone _ . But I like you, Remus. A lot,” Sirius audibly swallowed. “I think about you. About… I want to curl up with you when we watch movies and maybe, maybe kiss you. But I don’t, I mean, can we,” he started to pick at one of his fingernails, his voice going quiet. “Can we try? Take our time with this?”

Remus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, a smile growing across his face. “Yeah, we can do that.”

The smile on Sirius’ face matched his own, nervous and hopeful. He walked across the room to Remus and after a hesitant second he reached down and took his hand. “Remus?”

He had to clear his throat before he could talk. “Yeah?”

Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus’ cheek, his smile nervous, almost shy. “I’m staying for that pizza and the movie. I’ll be damned if I miss out on your first Star Wars experience of the year.” He laughed at Remus’ dopey expression and tugged them both back toward the bed and settling Remus’ laptop between them. 


End file.
